Robber Denied

[justoshow]

Hello everyone! I am new to the forum and fairly new to animating. I'm still observing and learning the art itself. I just wanted to share with you all a recent project I created. I am starting small to build my fan-base and better my craft (animating, story telling, etc). Let me know what you guys think! Thank you in advance for taking the time to watch.

[3deeguy]

I was kind of expecting the guard to at least fall on the escaping robber.

[justoshow]

I was kind of expecting the guard to at least fall on the escaping robber.

Many people was wondering what happen to the security gaurd. So I've decided to do a sequel to show what happen. I didn't really expect for people to care so much about the gaurd I guess, but I already have an idea that I think will be really funny and people will like it.

[jahnocli]

It was kind of ... inconsequential. The guard was introduced, and then disappeared upwards for some reason. How did the two guys at the bus stop know the van driver was a robber? How come he drove off the cliff? What was the story? If the story is strong, you can forget the clumsy animation. If the story is weak, that's something you notice straight away.

[justoshow]

It was kind of ... inconsequential. The guard was introduced, and then disappeared upwards for some reason. How did the two guys at the bus stop know the van driver was a robber? How come he drove off the cliff? What was the story? If the story is strong, you can forget the clumsy animation. If the story is weak, that's something you notice straight away.

The two guys didn't know anything about the robber. They were there to let the audiance know why he drove off the cliff. The story was a robber robbed, thought he made a clean get away, but he didn't. The animation could've been alot better, I didn't want it to be. I wanted it to be sloppy, cartoonish. I mean look at the cartoon design in the store. As you can see I can do better it's just I didn't want that feel. It's a style that I like. I was following Incredible Tutorials on YouTube with Steve and the Alien when I decided to do a whole different story line. I didn't want it to be long so I kept it obvious as I could. As I stated in a earlier reply, I didn't think anyone would really care. The security guard was suppose to be like a joke. He is actully a gansta' rapper in real life and that is him on that song in the background (Google Officer Ricky) but I wanted to show that he ran away on my cartoon because he didn't feel like working. There will be a sequel to clear things up though. Thanks for watching and for giving input as well. I am still learning on my own. BTW this was put together very quickly just because. I just wanted to animate and make people laugh while doing so.

[Lumpy]

That guard looks like Rick Ross, haha. I thought it was funny. The running animation looked very smooth, and the back and forth between the hicks was good, it set up the next shot without feeling like it was explicitly telling me "Here's what's about to happen." Good job.

[justoshow]

That guard looks like Rick Ross, haha. I thought it was funny. The running animation looked very smooth, and the back and forth between the hicks was good, it set up the next shot without feeling like it was explicitly telling me "Here's what's about to happen." Good job.

Thanks! That really means a lot. I'm glad you liked it.

[Danimal]

For being as short as it is, it felt surprisingly long. Like "several times looking at the clock to see how much was left" long. The security guard made no sense and should have been deleted. In fact, the whole thing could have started right after the robbery with the robber speeding away. The interplay between the two hick characters was entirely too long and could have been shortened to about one line each.

Were this about a 20 - 30 second skit it would have been funny. I can even look past things like the fact that the van goes off what looks much more like a cliff than a road where the bridge is out and that the two hicks look like essentially the same guy with different hair. There's potential here, and it's clear you have a good grasp of animation. You need to tighten things up though. When the whole thing is a buildup to a punchline, particularly one that's pretty well telegraphed, you need to make the buildup much, much shorter.

I hope this helps. Again, your style and animation look pretty good and can certainly be made to work. And you didn't pepper the dialog with vulgarity, which instantly makes this good as well.

[justoshow]

For being as short as it is, it felt surprisingly long. Like "several times looking at the clock to see how much was left" long. The security guard made no sense and should have been deleted. In fact, the whole thing could have started right after the robbery with the robber speeding away. The interplay between the two hick characters was entirely too long and could have been shortened to about one line each.

Were this about a 20 - 30 second skit it would have been funny. I can even look past things like the fact that the van goes off what looks much more like a cliff than a road where the bridge is out and that the two hicks look like essentially the same guy with different hair. There's potential here, and it's clear you have a good grasp of animation. You need to tighten things up though. When the whole thing is a buildup to a punchline, particularly one that's pretty well telegraphed, you need to make the buildup much, much shorter.

I hope this helps. Again, your style and animation look pretty good and can certainly be made to work. And you didn't pepper the dialog with vulgarity, which instantly makes this good as well.

Thank you for not bashing me! I haven't really learned, I guess would be story telling or story boarding. I kinda just come up with something, animate it and modify it to what I like. I also didn't think it would get this much attention. So I am trying to learn as much as I can to better my cartoon animations. I think I will start looking into telling a more effective solid story. Oh and yes, all of the characters except the security gaurd was modified from one character (Lazy! yes I know, but it works for me) I got the gaurd from Kartoon Management and I just added hime in there for a little humor for those who know who that character was based off of. As far as dialog, I will keep my art clean so that anyone can watch it.

[lwaxana]

I liked it, especially the security guard. I liked how goofy he was and he even created suspense because I kept wondering what he was going to do. So a sequel with him would be awesome! The audio was a little hard to hear in places. Are you using Audacity to edit your sound?

[justoshow]

I liked it, especially the security guard. I liked how goofy he was and he even easier reated suspense because I kept wondering what he was going to do. So a sequel with him would be awesome! The audio was a little hard to hear in places. Are you using Audacity to edit your sound?

Thanks I do plan on doing a sequel to show what happened to him. Yes I am using audacity I'm still learning how to use it. I was using fl studio, but I like the fact that audacity has noise removel for the tiny air that it picks up in my snow ball. I need to learn how to use it's effects features. It's very different than what I am use to.