I made 2 cartoon episodes, I'd like some feedback.

[Bob73]

The 2 cartoons involve only basic shapes, such as cubes and triangles, its got a decent amount of satire to it (well the second episode does anyway) and its sorta cutesy, yet cynical, who knew cubes of all shapes could be so racist?

First episode:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dyjn ... sode-1_fun

Second episode:

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2dymq ... sode-2_fun

Let me know what you think about them.

[ddrake]

Hmm. :\

Well, there's not a lot of "artwork" or "animation" to critique here. Are you looking for feedback on the overall concept and execution? Characters and/or voice acting? Writing and story development?

Also, what audience is this geared toward?

I don't know if I can give honest but useful feedback without a little more information.

[Danimal]

I don't know if I can give honest but useful feedback without a little more information.

Agreed.

Here's what I can say: if this is meant to be a kid's segment, something Sesame Street-esque, it hits the mark. If it's not, you may want to go back to the drawing board. In the case of both cartoons. I abandoned ship about halfway in because the way the characters talked so slowly and the way the story dragged on to nowhere became boring. Young kids would like things like this spelled out and would better understand the message using the simple shapes as a metaphor. Again, I didn't get all the way through so I'm not sure if there's bad language or if that's even your intention.

[Bob73]

I guess I want feedback on the execution and writing...

It drags out too much?...I thought there was less of that in the second one...

Theres no bad language in it, though I guess I should try to make it funnier.

[3deeguy]

You've chosen to attempt a story using geometric shapes. That's just really tough.

[Víctor Paredes]

I like your idea and have some feedback.
First, if you will work with so simple faceless shapes, you will need to put a lot of the effort in the color palette, design and animation.
The success of your project mostly depends on how good it looks.
Maybe you could take as reference Pocoyo. I know it's different, but take a look in how well they tell a story with so few elements and focusing on a fast expressive animation.
In a closer approach, you can check Mike Scott's (Mikdog in the forum) Happy land videos. Specially the ones with white background.
You could try Color Scheme Designer. I made a fast test with this palette


Avoid the black strokes and, if there's any curve, try to make it soft and clean.
Make the characters talk with their body. The idea of sound waves is good, but makes your characters look too mechanical, like speakers.
Here's a video about the 12 principles of animation. Personally, I don't like how it covers some of them, but it's a very good reference for your cubes animation. Look how soft the bodies are, how the character change its shape but continues being a cube. I think that's the animation style you should try to attempt.


Finally, even when the cartoon title talks about cubes, your characters are actually squares. I think you should change the title or the characters. My vote is for the title. Having totally flat characters opens a world funny to explore, in my opinion. What problems comes about being flat? How a flat character execute simple actions? Stuff like that

[neeters_guy]

Bravo, selgin! I really miss your insights!

[Bob73]

Yeah...um...some of those things mentioned were intentional designs, though maybe I will change certain aspects of it...

The third episode is out, I believe it to be funnier in general, and its definitely shorter too. >_>

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2ei6xb_episode-3_fun

[ddrake]

Hmmm. Well, right now I still can't suggest anything better than Selgin's offering.

That was definitely shorter. I still don't think this is actually for me as an audience member though.

Also, you don't seem to have changed anything as per suggestion. I guess the "cube vs. square" self-awareness has changed.

[humanistheart]

Hmm, it felt like it had potential, but didn't really go anywhere. I liked the idea of the cubes in cube land, but there was no real plot or jokes in it. It seamed like you had some observational humor, like parents complaining about more cubes being brought in, even though they cost nothing, but it wasn't delivered in a way that captured my attention.